Do you see yourself in this mirror ?
1. I lie
It is hard to tell if somebody is lying at the time they do it although often the truth may be apparent later when it is too late. One way to minimize the chances of being lied to is to understand that some personality types (particularly psychopaths(see note 1)) are experts at the art of lying and cheating, doing it frequently, and often in subtle ways.
2. I lie by ommision
This is a very subtle form of lying by withholding a significant amount of the truth. This technique is also used in propaganda.
3. I Deny.
Manipulator refuses to admit that he or she has done something wrong.
4. I rationalize.
An excuse made by the manipulator for inappropriate behavior. Rationalization is closely related to spin.
5. I minimize
This is a type of denial coupled with rationalization. The manipulator asserts that his or her behavior is not as harmful or irresponsible as someone else was suggesting, for example saying that a taunt or insult was only a joke.
6. I divert
Manipulator not giving a straight answer to a straight question and instead being diversionary, steering the conversation onto another topic.
7. I evade
Similar to diversion but giving irrelevant, rambling, vague responses, weasel words.
8. I covertly initimidate.
Covert intimidation: Manipulator throwing the victim onto the defensive by using veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats.
9. I guilt trip.
A special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position.
10. I play the victim role ("poor me")
Manipulator portrays him- or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else's behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.
11. I vilify the victim
More than any other, this tactic is a powerful means of putting the victim on the defensive while simultaneously masking the aggressive intent of the manipulator.
12. I play the servant role
Cloaking a self-serving agenda in guise of a service to a more noble cause, for example saying he is acting in a certain way for "obedience" and "service" to God or a similar authority figure.
13. I seduce.
Manipulator uses charm, praise, flattery or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and give their trust and loyalty to him or her.
14. I project the blame (blaming others)
Manipulator scapegoats in often subtle, hard to detect ways.
15. I feign innocence.
Manipulator tries to suggest that any harm done was unintentional or did not do something that they were accused of. Manipulator may put on a look of surprise or indignation. This tactic makes the victim question his or her own judgment and possibly his own sanity.
16. I feign confusion
Manipulator tries to play dumb by pretending he or she does not know what you are talking about or is confused about an important issue brought to his attention.
17. I brandish anger:
Manipulator uses anger to brandish sufficient emotional intensity and rage to shock the victim into submission. The manipulator is not actually angry, he or she just puts on an act. He just wants what he wants and gets "angry" when denied.
Simon, George K (1996). In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People,
Note 1Psychopaths lack a sense of guilt or remorse for any harm they may have caused others, instead rationalizing the behavior, blaming someone else, or denying it outright.[19] Psychopaths also lack empathy towards others in general, resulting in tactlessness, insensitivity, and contemptuousness. All of this belies their tendency to make a good, likable first impression. Psychopaths have a superficial charm about them, enabled by a willingness to say anything without concern for accuracy or truth. Shallow affect also describes the psychopath's tendency for genuine emotion to be short lived and egocentric with an overall cold demeanor. Psychopaths also have a markedly distorted sense of the potential consequences of their actions, not only for others, but also for themselves. They do not deeply recognize the risk of being caught, disbelieved or injured as a result of their behaviour.
Dadds, M. R.; Perry, Y; Hawes, DJ; Merz, S; Riddell, AC; Haines, DJ; Solak, E; Abeygunawardane, AI (2006). "Attention to the eyes and fear-recognition deficits in child psychopathy". The British Journal of Psychiatry 189: 280. doi:10.1192/bjp.bp.105.018150. PMID 16946366.
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